I don’t like my new city! How long should I wait before leaving it? Three simple steps to avoid a massive mistake.

Two months. Roughly sixty days. That is all you must ask yourself! 

When you move to a new country or city, for an adventure, for work, for love or simply because you are running away from something… well, there will be challenges. 

But nothing new, right? You may not speak the language, you may hate your “momentary” accommodation, you dislike the food on the supermarket’s shelfs downstair, the cost of living is too high, too dangerous crossing the streets, or you may be the only person of your “race” around. The factors that can make you feel uncomfortable are countless. 

What to do then? Let me share with you three simple (but very effective) principles that have helped me through life: 

1. To begin with, force yourself to find something you appreciate about your new place. Do you know when you listen to an unknown artist’s album, and you find a song you like? Well, trust me, you will definitely find something you can like about your new location too. Look around yourself… what do you see? A cute little shop on the corner selling something you have no clue about, a random stranger giving small flags at the bus stop, or that sunrise that looks so different over that hill? What do you see?

If you are looking for beauty, you won’t only find it; it will overwhelm you.

2. No, you won’t find your favourite Korean beauty products in Finland, and you won’t find the best Italian mozzarella if you have just moved to the Philippines. And that’s ok! This deficit of what you are so accustomed to will stimulate your brain, body and ultimately your soul. Try new things, embrace what is new. Try that spicy food, have a sip of that hot beer in Poland and experience an Indian barber instead of using your usual Gillette that you forgot to pack. You will survive! Once again, fix this in your mind: embrace what is new, welcome new experiences. The only downside is that you may start to really like what you try, and you will begin to wonder, “how did I live all my life without this??” – well, you were about to miss it – so, good on you for taking the chance.

3. What if you only see darkness around you, everything seems like a blur, you are constantly pulled by the memory of your past experiences? What to do then? What I am about to share with you is not a secret formula, but it can be easily overlooked when your mind is adrift. Therefore, do yourself a favour and focus on the next few words because they may be responsible for making you avoid a massive mistake. The last but not least principle is to remind yourself why – THE WHY – you have had chosen that location, that city, that country in the first place. You don’t have to do it publicly. Nobody has to know the real reason. You only know it, it is a private thing and sometimes it is better to keep it that way. Do that! Remind yourself why you wanted to move right in that location at this specific time of your life. Why? Why not another city? Why? Your mind will start travelling back and forth through your memories till it finds the precise moment when you DECIDED to embrace that idea to move to this new city. Was it for better opportunities? Did you move for love? Were you tired of your home country? If you close your eyes, you can very much see yourself taking that decision, a lonely decision, the one you decided yourself on despite the approval or refusal of the people around you, that decision that you felt right within your core. Are you there now with your memory? – I know you are not – you already see yourself when you were so excited about the new adventure. You couldn’t wait to tell everyone; you were making a list of things to pack, places to visit, buying a new coat, and saying goodbye to friends and family. Do you remember that time? How great you used to feel, full of life, maybe a bit worried about the unknown but ready to take a leap of faith. Regain, reappropriate yourself of that feeling because it is still there in you. Sometimes it may just fade away through the cloudiness of a grey day mixed with the present routine, but it is still there. Remind yourself your unique why, the personal one, not the one you have learnt to answer when somebody asks, “why did you choose this place?”. Be true to yourself. Your why will help you to go forward for another day, and then another week and then another month and then you will just begin to be glad that you stayed true to the excited version of yourself, That version of you that took the decision on the first place. 

On the other hand, if after two months you don’t really like anything around you and NOTHING works for you… well, you can always move and go elsewhere. You can move. You are not a tree! But don’t go back before sixty days, strive at least until that point… and later you can go through the three principles listed above again and take your new decision, which will hopefully lead you to an extended “trial” of thirty days… 

P.S. rest assured, whenever you will arrive at the new destination, you will begin to miss the location you have just left. But you won’t admit to anyone but yourself in the quiet of your room when the day is over, and nobody is there pointing the finger at you… you will whisper to yourself, “ damn, what did I do? I should have tried just a little longer.” It gets sadder, you will be that old person at the dinner table, and when someone mentions that city, you will say proudly, “I lived there”, to sound interesting, and they will ask you for how long and you will softly say “ for two weeks.”

Two months. Roughly sixty days. That is all you must ask yourself! 

With love, 

TheLucaBonafede

Amsterdam 03/10/2021 

 
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Thank you!
#LiveanExtraordinaryLife✨   
With gratitude, TheLucaBonafede

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